Max Nocerino 
Silly, cheesy, and full of holes…plot holes. Max offers an alternative perspective on Lucasfilm’s Skeleton Crew in his review.
Skeleton Crew. I approached this Star Wars project with optimism when the first trailer arrived. I was intrigued by the new direction that the galaxy was exploring. Suburban houses with lawns and ground traffic in Star Wars!? Honestly, that’s more alien than anything Star Wars has ever done so far, believe it or not, so I really wanted to see how this would work. For nearly 40 years, we’ve only seen the galaxy’s denizens live like dirt-poor serfs on backwater desert planets or in super-high-tech skyscrapers with droid servants and advanced technology.
The world of At Attin feels like a healthy middle. The houses are slightly futuristic in their architecture, but it feels like something out of a near-futurism real-world movie. They have fancy maglev trams that take the children to school. The school and many aspects of their urban sprawl are maintained by strict and unidimensional robots. It also looks like what we might see in Los Angeles in 2040 (if what we predicted passes).
WIM & NEEL
The main character is a young boy named Wim, and he’s not totally unlikable. He’s very much like an American Earth kid. He loves adventure and playing make-believe and doesn’t like studying for exams. His best friend is an elephantoid humanoid named Neel, the stereotypical goofy kid who always follows his friend on various hijinks. I was prepared for this cliche Goonies parody, but as more and more of the story progressed, I became less enthused.
Wim dreams of being a Jedi, and when he finds a mysterious structure buried in a muddy ditch in the woods, he immediately thinks it’s a Jedi Temple (due to its markings) and wants to investigate. Unfortunately, this information is leaked out to a human girl named Fern, who is a stereotypical “bossypants” girl who thinks boys are stupid and enacts claimses on the structure. Claimses, really?! In a world of robe-wearing knights of power and honor, you have a show in the same universe, with little kids claiming things you would see in some Judy Blume book?
BURIED TREASURE?
It gets even worse. The kids discover that the “Jedi Temple” is actually a large starship. Once locked inside, they hit all the old components of the ship that probably haven’t worked in (potentially) decades. Surprisingly, everything powers up and automatically flies into space, and then they accidentally launch into hyperspace. Seriously? I liked Han Solo hitting the wall in the Falcon when the power briefly went out, as it was a tongue-in-cheek nod to how we humans always have to hit the old TV to get it working again. But this is just silly.
They also reactivate an old droid with a cliche pirate accent and demeanor and convince him that Fern is his new captain. Yet this first mate has no clue where the ship jumped from and insists on taking them to some pirate spaceport.
This is just one of the many examples of poor plot points. Why couldn’t Fern’s tech-savvy sidekick JB slice into the navicomputer and see the last coordinates of the previous jump? They have literally done that so many times in Star Wars mediums. Instead, they must go to some creepy pirates’ den instead of retracing their steps.
STAR WARS LORE
I admit that this pirate spaceport is full of interesting new species and a few golden oldies sprinkled in. It’s Star Wars lore at its finest. However, it’s so messy and convoluted that it almost negates it. The kids are asking for directions to their planet, but the pirates laugh when they say At Attin. A Theelin sex worker, yes, you heard that right – sex worker approaches Fern and KB out of concern for them (which is super weird; why would a prostitute in a pirate’s den care about some wayward human children anyway?) and also asks where they are from. When they say At Attin, she says, “No guys, really, where are you from?”
Obviously, At Attin was being set up to have some significant importance to the wider galaxy, and yes, stupidly, it is revealed that the planet is a myth. A legendary treasure planet that nobody knows how to find. WHAT? It has a suburban sprawl, and it’s also a treasure planet!? It’s beyond nonsensical. They even try to frame this nonsense by having the planet have some atmospheric aurorae barrier that cannot be breached by entering or leaving ships without permission. Okay, so At Attin is in some bubble, cut off from the wider galaxy for mysterious purposes? Yawn.
A CHANCE MEETING
The kids get caught and thrown into the brig. While in the brig, a mysterious man walks out of the shadows and says he can help them escape IF they take him with him. He then reveals he has the power of the Force by levitating the prison key from outside the cell and into their hands. Okay. You couldn’t have done that at any time and stole a ship to get off the port? You had to wait for these kids. It’s such a gaping, overbaked plot hole, and sure, they are probably setting something up that will try to fix it, but honestly, it’s just lazy writing.
VERDICT
The two-part premiere was quite disappointing overall. I genuinely appreciated was on At Attin, with droids meticulously managing every detail. I also found the Hunger Games-like schooling intriguing, where all the children must take career assessment tests, and if they miss them, they have to answer every question correctly just to pass.
It’s a very draconian, Orwellian method of schooling and society, and since 1984 is my all-time favorite novel, I love the vibe. Yet everything else was just contrived and annoying. I don’t think they can salvage anything from this mess. But who knows, maybe I will change my tune with the next episode.
The two-episode season premiere of Star Wars: Skeleton Crew is now streaming on Disney Plus.
Fortunately, not all our reviewers shared the same opinion. Our Lead Editor, Phil Roberts, praised the season premiere with a rating of FOUR STARS. At the same time, our Collectibles Editor, Thomas Storai, also rated the opening trio of episodes as FOUR STARS.
Max Nocerino is a regular Staff Writer for The Future of the Force. He is a passionate Star Wars fan and loves the literature of the galaxy far, far away. Follow him on Twitter where he shares his love of the Force frequently!
