Max Nocerino 
Behind the laughs, is life as an entity in Ghosts really all it’s cracked up to be? Max explores the afterlife in CBS’ hit comedy series
Ghosts has returned to CBS2 in America and is touted as “America’s Number 1 New Comedy.” I can’t help but agree. I find it very amusing. And while the season 2 premiere may have been a bit underwhelming, I still found it quite entertaining. Yet, behind the laughs, there are many grim realizations about being a Ghost in this universe.
1.) Nobody can see or hear you (unless you’re Sam)
The ghosts of Ghosts are not like the Force Ghosts of Star Wars. Nobody can see or hear them. And the only reason the show even exists is that after a near-death incident; Sam the duotagonist is granted the ability to do just that.
2.) Time moves the same
Trevor, the youngest ghost died in 2000. He is also one of the few ghosts who can manipulate solid objects. He is also a little perverse (or more kindly said) woman-crazed. And he manages to create a dating profile for himself on Sam’s husband Jay’s iPad. He has been dead for 20 years and spent most of his time waiting for handymen at the Woodstone Manor to fall off a ladder, to provide some amusement. Also, Nigel, the Revolutionary ghost has been watching ants crawl in a woodshed for oh, 300 years. Time is brutal and being a ghost, you have to experience it just like us.
3.) You cannot leave the location you died
As a ghost, you would think the only positive would be the ability to go where your corporeal form could never go. But sadly all the ghosts who died on the grounds of Woodstone Manor cannot physically leave this location at all. There is a barrier a few yards from the house. So many ghosts have spent decades sitting in this big house with nobody but themselves for company. They can go walking in the area around the house, but as I said, there is a limit. Thankfully Woodstone Manor is HUGE. But what if you died in a studio apartment? CLAUSTROPHOBIA SETS IN
4.) You can smell food but you cannot eat it
When Jay and Sam moved into Woodstone Manor, they obviously ate food. They are livings. “I will come in and smell your snack,” said the Viking ghost. Yes, he could smell the snack but he could not taste or ingest it. Much like the Tantalus of Greek myth, the fruit was just out of reach. How horrible is it to have a pleasant smell in your nose, but not be allowed to eat it?
5.) You exist with the clothes you died in and cannot change them
Poor Heddy muses that she died in heels. Poor Thor died in Viking winterwear so he roasts in the summer. Trevor died with his pants and underwear off and must look ridiculous for all eternity. Plus it isn’t great for the female ghosts…..
6.) Walking through a living HURTS
Described as the worst pain imaginable. When livings unknowingly walk through the ghosts, they experience excruciating pain.
7.) You can fornicate but you can’t finish
WTF? Yes, ghosts can have sexual relations and thankfully we’ve never seen nor will see it. However, it is difficult when you cannot take off your clothes, and if you can’t finish; why even bother?
8.) You can have nightmares for centuries
Thor, the oldest ghost has had night terrors every night for 1000 years. That’s 365250 horrible nights! It’s unfathomably horrible. Forget the fact that ghosts can sleep, Thor had to endure the guilt of killing his best friend for 10x that of a normal human lifespan.
9.) You never see your loved ones again
One of the only pluses of dying is that you see all those you love who have passed before you (maybe). As a ghost, you are intentionally cut off from the Afterlife. So it’s essentially being gone for good. “Now I miss my mom,” says Sass, the Indigenous American ghost. He says this after a Thanksgiving dinner smell triggers a memory of his mother. He has not seen his mother in 500 years!
10.) Your chances of being sucked off are very slim
Basically, a ghost can actually ascend to the afterlife (a process known in slang as being sucked off). But it’s only after the ghost comes to terms with the turmoil that kept them there in the first place. Yet, when you are ancient and cannot interact with living people, you are stuck. Thor’s time was during 1000 A.D. and among a culture that has long vanished. There isn’t anyone who could make right his life in the modern era. You would think having Sam be able to give him a proper Viking funeral would do it. But even that doesn’t suck him off. So how the hell do ghosts do it themselves? They are really trapped in limbo for all eternity. And they can also get sucked off to Hell if they don’t change their ways. How this is determined is still not fully known.
Bonus: There are some surfaces a ghost cannot walkthrough
Heddy’s husband was stuck in a vault for over 200 years (until it was opened by Jay and Sam) with nothing but his rotting corpse for company.
Would like to explore the ghost reality in Ghosts? Sound off below.
Ghosts is currently airing on CBS. So grab a bag of ectoplasm and explore the supernatural now!
Max Nocerino is a regular Staff Writer for The Future of the Force. He is a passionate Star Wars fan and loves the literature of the galaxy far, far away. Follow him on Twitter where he shares his love of the Force frequently!
